Pillow Talk
Smooch smooch smooch smooch smooch…
Ant: How come we don’t French kiss anymore unless we’re having sex?
Gilb: What?
Ant: Kiss me. Properly.
Gilb: “ ”
Ant: What’s wrong?
Gilb: It’s just that… you’re a bit forcef...
Ant: WHAT?!? We’re 4 years and 8 months into our relationship, and you’re telling me NOW that I’m too forceful???
Gilb: I’ve told you before… not in so many words…
Ant: I can’t BELIEVE you’re telling me I’m a bad lay only now!
Gilb: That’s not what I said, liefie. You’re a great lay –
Ant: Bollocks! That’s what you implied!
Gilb: Don’t be stupid. You’re over-reacting. You just need to me more gentle.
Ant: *sulk sulk sulk* [deftly shoves tongue halfway down Gilb’s windpipe.] I’ll show you forceful!
Anyhow, after that astounding revelation last weekend, can you blame me for not kissing him unselfconsciously during two sex sessions? I just meekly held my mouth there and let him do all the probing work. It’s going to take a while to get over this. Or, a lot of alcohol, or drugs. I never had myself figured for anything less than a fantastic smoocher, and this has really thrown me. I’d ask for some good Samaritan’s assistance in practising, but then I couldn’t be held liable if they suffocated during the exercise.
And on another bed-related note, I’m alarmed that Gilb’s and my sleeping positions could suggest we’re distant and uncaring. Our view on the matter is, cuddle for a few minutes (largely my pinning him down and smothering him with kisses (not of the French kind, in case you’re concerned)), then move as far away from each other as possible, so that it almost feels as though there’s no-one sleeping in the bed with you. When we first started sharing a bed, we had to use separate duvets so we couldn’t sense each other moving about during our sleep, but we’ve now progressed to the stage where we can sleep reasonably comfortably in each other’s presence, so long as we’re not touching.
But the other day my colleague told me about how she and her fiancée are always wrapped around each other like entwined vines (they even have ‘positions’ for optimum entwinement depending on each’s movements during sleep). And then, my other colleague agreed with her: that they just sleep better knowing their other halves are there, protected by their embraces. And then, I saw something in Gilb’s Men’s Health, alluding to the same thing, and also describing and illustrating sleep positions for a couple, depending on whether each is a stomach/back/foetal sleeper. Are we crazy, or is everyone out there crazy? How do you sleep, couples (or one-night stands) of the world? Tell me!
posted by Third World Ant @ 8:28 am
16 Comments:
Pretty much the same as you, cuddle then split... have been living together for almost four years, and it was like that from the start. I wouldn't believe everything that comes out of the pages of magazines! :-)
The part about the forceful kissing. I don't think its how you kiss, but most likely how you approach kissing. Sounds to me like your relationship and mine have a lot in common!
A new bed-sharing partner inevitably ends up with a elbow in the eye from time to time (when sleeping alone I tend to sprawl and roll around alot). But after a bit of settling in I usually end up being a cuddler...
You've gotto stick to what you're comfortable with though...don't read too much into it, just relax and sleep?
Relationshipman - thanks for the acknowledgement that i'm not alone. whew!
Louisa - that's always been my vibe, but what with all the 'couple sleep' talk that I've encountered lately, it's been hard to ignore...
I've always been and advocate of "separate beds in separate rooms in separate buildings in separate parts of the country", but I suppose "not touching" might also work.
Hey Ant,
I normally lay my head between his arm and chest. That’s how we start out. But after a while we end up separated. Mostly because he moves allot when he sleeps... and gets up at night. Therefore I get moved not to be disturbed. Being a deep sleeper I don’t always wake up, so I don’t really notice how we sleep... or if he holds me, which is a bad thing in a way
I wouldn’t be too worried... rather worry about things when you are awake. You can’t control how you sleep or move around in your sleep.
Enjoy the long weekend!!
Give him a drink.
:)
He-he, this reminds me of the "Friends" episode where Ross informs Chandler of the 'Hug & Roll' technique... (Works like a charm by the way.)
My experience: Dudes just don’t like the whole entwiny-cuddly-sleep bullshit, and if you don’t either, you, and I am pretty sure your relationship, are better for it anyway :)
Kyk - works for some, i guess...
Somali - "worry about things when you are awake". Wise words there, you Ethiop, you.
Peas - More like 5. Plus some e, for good measure!
Jean pant person - I totally forgot about that episode! I'd have thought that guys would be anti-cuddling and pro-sleep, but the guys I've asked are actually more in favour of the cuddlies. It's weird... spooning must be a bloody nightmare because her hair will always be in your face (or vice versa, depending on who's in front, i guess).
Ant, I WISH I had that problem. My BF will not leave me alone while we sleep. Not that I don't completely love and adore him, but, like, we have a king size extra length bed, but i don't know why, because we're both squeezed onto the left side bit until i fall off for trying to get a little space for my legs! I really really like to sleep stretched out (like...completely, starfish style) and he thinks I don't love him, unless we're pinning each other down WWE style. There was no need for the king size extra length, we were both happier sharing a single bed!
My idel sleep position is to hold hands while having as much space as possible for my body...
I would say it depends entirely on whether its winter or summer ;)
Hiya Ant. Been missin ya ;P
Ha ha ha!! :-0
Sorry... my mistake. Can’t seem to get my words right, or sentence for that matter!! Hope u know what I mean.
I think I might need some sleep…
ZZZ
HPF - hello dear. okay, so you're still cuddly to some minor extent, prefering to hold hands. I have this vision of you waking up in the morning, after having gone to sleep on more-or-less separate sides of the bed, with him wrapped around your leg or something!
Chewwie - a good point, there. I am also refered to as 'my little hot water bottle' - I'm unbelievably hot when I sleep. Take that in any way you like ;)
Somali - re-read your comment, then my comment, then realised you misunderstood me! i was liking what you said, not taking it literally! but, we could all use an extra bit of sleep, couldn't we?
No, I'd agree - cuddle, then separate. I like my sleep too much to have it disturbed, even by the one I love.
Also, I've always wished that arms were detachable in bed - even when you're trying to cuddle, they get in the way, and tend to go totally numb!
So the Gilb doesn't like being probed or dominated - I say tie him up and dominate him properly, show him what it's really like to be forceful. Who knows, he might actually like it?
As for the kissing, you don't need a Samaritan, just practice on Peas.
Regarding the sleeping arrangement - if you leave him tied up, you can sleep any way you want to.
Fuzzy - that's the total probelm with arms - they're the major cause of uncomfortable cuddling, yet how else do you propery cuddle without them?
Rev - Gilb's more into 'gentle' things, I've discovered over the years. Tying him up would require me Polyfilla'ing his mouth to shut his complaints up! Which makes the forceful tongue penetration (of his mouth, dirty sex boy!) decidedly difficult. It seems like this might be a solution that works for both of us...
Hey Ant, I read your description of me and the bf, laughed and then realised that's EXACTLY what it's like...but precisely!
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