one-legged 'mobile

If you happen to see a chick driving a white Fiesta down the M3 in Cape Town with her left leg tucked under body, then stay the fuck away. For it is me, attempting to drive an automatic car, perpetually falling into the habit of trying to depress the clutch and change gears, as those who are accustomed to driving manual cars are wont to.

Despite my protests at 10pm on Monday evening at the Avis counter, they gave me an (unconditioned) automatic car. I couldn’t even get the damn thing out of the parking lot without help – I didn’t realise you had to brake while changing the ‘gear’ from ‘park’ (what the hell is that?) to ‘drive’.

This situation last happened during my last long stay in Cape Town, way back in 2004. My colleague, who drives an automatic, asked me to drop her off at the airport in her car one day. For the first nerve-wracking kilometre (naturally, down the bloody N2), I couldn’t understand why the car jerked forward and halted so violently. It took me that long to realise that left feet were not made for braking, given their accustomed task to jamming in on the clutch.

So now my resolve to confining my left leg to numbness under my ass during violent cussing sessions every time I accidentally move the ‘gearstick’ from ‘drive’ into ‘1’ or ‘2’. Automatic cars do have one nifty use though – in addition to needing only one leg to drive, you need only one arm to – the left arm can quite safely shovel spicy chicken tikka pasta salad down your gullet while the right navigates the vehicle round a corner.

Useful, that.

ps; still no internet access! i'm going mental!