Pin the tail on the donkey

I look back on my last past and think that perhaps it’s a tad melodramatic – the world won’t end after all, just because I’m temporarily without a job.

In truth, the angst I’ve been facing has just received a much-needed kick up the butt towards resolution, because I can’t now drag and delay my decisions along forever.

See, the million-dollar question is this: I’m with a man I adore, we’re almost upon our five-year anniversary. We’ve never lived together, and in fact, in September (our 5-year mark) 43% of our relationship will have been spent long-distance (I was in Cape Town for 9 months, he will have been in Secunda for 17 months); every month we continue in our present situation will only serve to increase that percentage…

So, what does a loved-up lass do in the situation? As I’m ever so fond of doing, I created a list of all possible options:

1 – we continue as is. Despite the fact that I largely enjoy my life in Joburg and he enjoys his in Secunda, this is no longer a viable option. Beyond December, I really don’t want this to be the case without a damn good reason. Why? Because I’m almost 27, and life and love must move forward or cease, whether you want it to or not.

2 – we live in one of these two locations or halfway in between (Delmas: have you ever been there? Nope – you blinked and missed it) and one of us / both of us commute a fair amount. As wiser friends have pointed out, the strain of moving in together for the first time coupled with the daily trials of traffic and rude driving will not make for an easy, or dare I even say successful, relationship. Plus, the stress of worrying if the Gilb made it there okay every morning with mist, single lanes and blind rises to battle against – nope, I could not live with myself if any terrible accident were to occur on account of my need to move in together.

2 – I move to Secunda. Which I wasn’t overly charmed at the idea of, despite not having an overwhelming aversion to the place – yes I’m a self-confessed city whore who enjoys the pleasures of international boutique store shopping as much as the next metropolitan maiden, but Joburg is only a 2-hour trip away. The real reason behind the lack of enthusiasm is more for the fact that I’m a bit of a career lass, and my concern that my career moves after a ‘step-down’ in Secunda might be limited (yes, Rev, I did also look into the delicatessen thing, Secunda doesn’t know what a decent bakery/coffee shop is – but maybe that was what was missing from my plan – beer and boerewors!). Two things have happened since: I’m beginning to question whether I shouldn’t be re-evaluating my goals: do I really want fame/fortune over love? And, 2: my mighty arrogance has been somewhat humbled. I took it as a given that I’d be granted a job at Sass-hole upon submission of my pretty cv, but they gave me not so much as a call-back. And I submitted it twice, for two different positions, and even pointed out that one of their new engineers might leave their company if I couldn’t find a place there (it’s strategic for Sass-hole to employ the partners of their engineers, it’s a retention thing they do to hold onto their scarce and precious employees). So this currently puts Secunda out of the question.

3 – We move to a place where we can actually both live and work in the same city. Pet faves right now are Dubai (big and growing, with plenty of scope for work for engineers and financial services people alike – High in Dubai has rather good things to say about the place) and the obvious UK (more jobs for someone like me, who is also endowed with an EU passport).

Thing is, as we’re making some earnest attempts to make moves in this department for the new year, I can’t help thinking that I’m demanding a hell of a lot from the Gilb: leave your newish job (which you enjoy) in your recent(ish)ly relocated town (which you also enjoy) and all your friends (who you adore) and family (less of a big deal) to go overseas because your girlfriend’s pestering you to, just so that you can live together in the same house and see whether you were meant to be together or not… I would really like some opinions on this – from people who know neither of us, and therefore cannot be biased towards/against either one of us.

It’s not like I don’t ask the Gilb repeatedly “Are you sure you want to do this? You’re not just doing it because I asked you to?” it’s just that I’m not convinced his positive response is completely honest. Yes, he is one of those people who prefer to follow rather than lead, but how far can I actually lead him down this path, in fairness? Moral dilemma, you see…

4 – I say f@ck it, to hell with my life in SA and with the Gilb, and I do the trek alone. Reminding you of what I said earlier (“I’m with a man I adore”), you see why although this is the logical – and least disruptive – path to all concerned, I am having exceeding difficulty in committing to it. Sigh…

I don’t know what to say or think about it any more – I’ve run through the scenarios again and again and again and still have come out none the wiser. I have the distinct feeling it’s one of those choices you have to make by blind-folding yourself and throwing a dart at a board, and then sticking with it.