Tim bits and maple syrup

Back in the ‘burg

Was it splendid? Yes. Was it expensive? Oh yes. Was it way too short? Most definitely. No, I’m not talking about sex with an escort, I’m referring to my fab holiday spanning three cities – London (briefly), Vancouver (mostly), Seattle (short yet intensively).

Of course, I’ll write a long-winded philosophic essay peddling my cheap musings on the whole experience, but the blog format doesn’t quite lend itself to posting that up here – if you’re that interested, then I'm afraid you're going to have to wait – of course, I just got back, so I haven’t written it yet. A bit of patience on your parts, please.

What I will say here is, I was truly pleasantly surprised by Canadians. They’re really friendly, in Vancouver they’re mostly quite fit (meaning they exercise, not that they’re necessarily hot – some are, some aren’t), and have astoundingly bad dress sense. They say “thank you!” a lot – even if they’re clambering off the back of the bus and have to yell it loudly so the bus driver can hear.

Some assembled factoids, in point form:

Vancouver

1. The place is half Asian (largest Asian community outside of Asia, I’m told), and reputedly has the best sushi in the world.
2. After a lot of binging on all-you-can-eat sashimi, I’d have to agree. It’s also dirt cheap, so I binged a lot. *raw salmon burp*
3. Berries grow like weeds, so you always have free padkos if you’re going for a walk.
4. They sell the “doughnut holes” in their doughnut shops! There’s a chain called Tim Horton’s (named after a famous Canadian ice hockey player), which calls them “Tim bits”. I really wanted a photo of one, but was too embarrassed to look like the ultimate Japanese tourist, so I sent my good friend Greg to take one instead. He took a lot of flack from the store owner, believe me. But I got my pic.
5. The nerd fringe (computer scientists and physicists) is obsessed about a game called Ultimate Frisbee, known simply as “Ultimate” to those in the know, which is basically just Frisbee for the rest of us. But played seriously, and with point tallies. Greg and his mates play in a league every Thursday, and would probably play more if their theses weren’t getting in the way. Aptly, Microsoft has its own Ultimate league.
6. Unlike our “50 points if you hit the pedestrian!” mentality, in Canada you can just step into the road – right in front of a car – and cross it. No, you won’t get a baseball bat implanted into your skull, you won’t even get the finger, you might just get a smile and wave from the car driver.
7. It’s like stepping on to the set of The Brady Bunch. The houses are wooden structures surrounded by pathologically straight-edged flower beds. And the people are all like the cast too.
8. They sell Ceres! And Peppadews! And Rooibos! So you won’t feel too homesick if you head up there for a sojourn. Just be wary of the border controls, I got harassed. Say the phrase ‘South African’ and they get all “What do you do for a living? Why are you here? Where are you staying? What is your bra size? Have a nice day now!” on you. So have your story sorted.
9. No one wears a watch. Which can be frustrating if you’re a tourist who left her watch at home thinking “I’ll just ask strangers for the time”. Also, there goes a potential pick-up line for the uninventive among us.
10. Vancouver has a big anti-corporation mentality. SABMiller will never succeed in getting its foot in the beer market, the place is full of microbreweries. Who’d have thought our North American friends were capable of brewing a decent beer?
11. The nudist beach, Wreck Beach, is full of ugly wrinklies. Very few hot men in sight, and if they’re there, they’re not interested in boobies.
12. Contrary to popular belief, they don’t say “ey!” a lot. This disappointed me, but I did find a pub that was called “Beer on the Patio, eh!”
13. Very little of the First Nations (Native American Indian, for the rest of us) culture remains – museums largely stock totem poles made in the mid-1900’s by people trying to revive the culture. I only met one real-life First Nations person, and he was flogging the contents of his house, which seemed to consist mainly of air-brushed Indian chiefs paintings in tacky plastic frames. Charming.
14. No one noticed my American Indian tattoo! But then, a number of Vancouverites are heavily tattooed, so it’s understandable that my little one went unnoticed.

Seattle

1. Home of the US’s oldest continuous market (Pike Place Market), Boeing, Microsoft, Frasier and most importantly, Starbucks.
2. The Americans call it the Vancouver of the States, the Canadians call Vancouver the Seattle of Canada. They’re a 3-hour bus drive apart, both have mountains and sea, but I’m not convinced there’s too much else in common.
3. Grunge is dead, truly. Went out to a club that is considered to be one of the great live venues (I wondered if Kurt Cobain had sat in my seat, or sipped from my glass), hoping to catch some neo-Grunge, instead found some neo-Rock neo-noise. Ever heard of Alex White, The Occasion, The Ponys? You probably never will.
4. The Frasier skyline is somewhat fictitious, in that there is no actual spot in Seattle from which you can see that view – the Space Needle (not unlike the Hillbrow Tower, without the cool Telkom sign) is much taller in reality, and would need a far higher vantage point, with some distortion of the surrounding buildings, to see it as Frasier shows it. Or so I’m told.
5. Spam is not that popular in the States, except for Hawaii. I did try spam sushi, which would have most cuisine fundis turning in their graves, and sending many live ones to early graves. Actually, it’s kind of tasty.
6. Seattlians don’t have much dress sense either. They’re only a little fatter on average than Vancouverites, and are apparently the States’ second healthiest citizens (don’t know the first, I’m just feeding you the tourist info I read).
7. Americans put flags on everything. It may be a 9/11 reaction, but it is somewhat disturbing to see it flying from houses’ rooftops and corporations’ main entrances alike.
8. I tried clam chowder! And it’s really good!
9. Boeing, headquartered in hicksville, (an hour out of Seattle) makes for an awesome tour. The largest building (by volume) in the world, it can put out 1 – 7 Boeings a month, employs 20,000 people (230,000 in its other locations around the world), and has a great gift shop. I bought a mug, a model plane (for which I got searched as I tried to board Air Canada, then Virgin in Heathrow too), and a cheesy little keyring with flashing lights.
10. Microsoft is less thrilling to tour, because they’re not that keen on tourists. They have a lame gift shop (Microsoft-emblemed pocket protectors etc), a hall you can go through and play their games, look at black-and-white photos etc, but nothing more thrilling. The campus guards are also quite trigger-happy on people trying to take photos outside the main entrance, so you’ve got to take quick sneaky blurred ones.

London (England, not Ontario) – you’ve all been, so I won’t say anything more. Ok, ok just a little: parties, pubs (I insisted everyone pronounced it as “poobs”), Aussie Walkabout for Aussie-bashing during Aus-SA rugga game, book fairs, art exhibits.

Thanks to all the peeps who put me up (Jade and Richard in London, Greg in Vancouver, Yeechi and Franklin in Seattle), fed me, got me drunk, entertained me (including Andy, Tammy, George) and read this long blog.