Lessons learnt over the past few days

1 – always take a male with when buying porn dvd’s. Just because the title sounds kinky (Horny Housewives, Wet Cotton Panties #16), doesn’t mean the content will turn you on.
2 – dirty talk during sex is usually a turn-off. “I’m fucking your ass” (no shit, can’t you see the pain on my face?!?), “I’m going to slam your pussy” just won’t cut it. A friend says she hates talk of any kind, and prefers appreciative moans/sighs. I agree!
3 – never leave said movies lying on the coffee table after viewing, you never know when your flatmate’s mom will pop round for a visit, much to the consternation of you, your boyfriend and your flatmate.
4 – don’t rely on your flatmate to warn you that, immediately after the throes of heady Sunday morning passion her mom will be popping round for a visit.
5 – don’t rely on being able to find clothes that will hide all evidence of aforementioned passion in a mad scramble to open the door to your flatmate’s mother (because your flatmate’s not home yet!!!)
6 – but do rely on the prior generation’s naivete to cover your actions. “My goodness, I’m so sorry, I must have just woken you up! Poor dears, please go on back to sleep – my daughter promises she’ll be here in a moment”.
7 – don’t rely on any friends who turn 30 to act 30, especially when they’re men. That’s just plain stupid. However, do rely on them to be as endearingly drunk at their parties as ever, and to carry permanent markers around for their bodies to be adorned with obscenities, courtesy the other 30-year-old-in-denials at the party. But, don’t rely on the permanent marker to be able to write over chocolate body paint that has been lasciviously licked off with horny tongues.
8 – do rely on great friends to cook up a storm and entertain you when you need distraction from problems. Yummy, thanks, and *burp*