Third world blues
I just want to bitch today. Basically, I’m feeling rather sorry for myself. Read on, and feel a little sorry for me too:
1 – my boyfriend has accepted a job in Secunda. We were going to move in together this year, after he finished varsity and found a job (in Joburg!). Of course, fate has its fist-fucking way with me, and I’m in real pain as a result. I can’t sort out how I should act about this – try the long-distance thing (because Secunda is just far enough to have a huge impact on our relationship), or quit life here and join friends in Europe next year (right now, the preferred option).
2 – I’m in a real rut at work. For the amount my company pays me, I should be ashamed at accepting my pay cheques for the year thus far: I do precious little more than admin-type work while waiting for a meaty contract to come in. For example, I have attended tender briefing sessions, attempted to write proposals for the tenders, tried for the 50th time to finalise our new website design (still pending!) and purchase new offices (hopefully concluded tomorrow), devised an Excel training course for new recruits, and select a PR company to handle our marketing. All together now: “side-lined!” I just had a mentor lunch with a senior colleague, who is amazed that I’ve stayed on through this bout of menial labour. I left that lunch feeling like he felt I don’t have enough ambition. He’s probably right.
3 – my sister. All her hang-ups and fragility are constantly on my mind. Without me, I don’t think she’d manage. I’m not a great sister to her though, I refuse to live with her, and can’t deal with her eating disorder in a reasonable way. We just fight the whole time. Why would anyone choose to live their life in a way that is not the best they’re capable of?
4 – SA politics. I’m normally ever-positive about the country’s future, how far we’ve come considering the challenges of the past, but lately everyone’s negativity is getting me down. Jacob Zuma, and worse yet, his dreadful, ignorant, animalistic, fearsome and violent supporters, are not helping to change my attitude. I can’t stand feeling this way, I don’t know how everyone else does it quite so readily.
Enough.
Tonight I go to meet a really intelligent underprivileged kid trying to claw his way out of his circumstances, and into a top-notch foreign university. He’s hoping for mentorship from me, if I’m lucky I’ll get way more out of it than he does.
posted by Third World Ant @ 6:07 pm
9 Comments:
Hello my little cherry blossom.
OK, so one thing at a time:
1) You're doing the best you can under the circumstances. It sucks, it's hard, but it's also out of your hands. It was his decision, so whatever you decide to do from here on out is perfectly viable. You could decide to be a showgirl in Vegas and he couldn't stop you. (This could tie into point 2). Try to take each day as it comes - I know it's very hard - but maybe it won't be so overwhelming. Either way, I'm always here for you, and because you're an independent, sassy, confident woman, I know you're going to be just fine. :)
2) That sucks too. I'm not much help here, as I'm also lacking ambition and am bored out of my tits at work. Plus on for as long as necessasry, if things don't change, we'll go around the world.
3) You don't need to take responsibility for your sister. You have been AMAZING so far with her, everyone I know has said so. (Small Bum, Third Roommate, Weez.) She relies on you alot, and shouldn't make you feel cr@p by constantly fighting with you. You are very patient. I have noticed that over the last week. So don't beat yourself up about it. You're doing your best, now it's up to her to take her problem into her hands and hopefully get some clarity on it.
4) SA politics. Well I suppose we're not Rwanda. At least that we can be thankful for. We're in Africa. And that's why things will always be as they are now. I have a great book for you: "The Shackled Continent." It's on the bookshelf in the lounge if you want to take a look. It's brillaint. Explains why Africa is where it is and why it won't change overnight.
Chin up in the meantime babe face. You're an amazing girl, who has taken on alot. Don't wear yourself down, many people in your situation wouldn't have coped thus far. You need to focus on yourself. Yes, you're THAT important. Everyone loves you, including me, and you've been a great support to everyone around you. Take some off for you. You truly deserve it. xxxxxx
Thanks babe - feeling much better today, yesterday was a day of intense, hectic dialogue with three people. 1st made me feel crap, 2nd inspired, the 3rd relieved (#2 and 3 happened after the post).
As the Peas lady said "Keep your head up!!"
Sides - Secunda is not far from JNB - although a showgirl in Vegas could be a better option. *chuckle*
Be kick ass tonight and the day will have been a great one!!
It’s been a few days since Thurs. Hope things are looking up or as Jim M would indicate that once we’ve been down for so damn long it’s starting to look like up to me. I know we’ve been down this road before but I recall commenting about hanging on till December06 when we’ll look back on this year with some glee. Still hanging on to the hope I’m right.
My two cents worth on the rest (for what its worth).
1.Probably do the Europe thing – the long distance might not be fun but doesn’t necessarily mean the end – if it doesn’t work out at all it’s only a 12 hour flight back. And realistically it’s not likely that there’ll be much competition in Secunda to tempt the poor man. What have you really got to lose?
2.RUT.RUT.RUT. ditto. But is there really some supposed to be some meaning to work? I know it’d be good to have this great fulfilling role in life but perhaps that’s a bit unrealistic. I read this recently which had a point of sorts but I’m not sure that it helped. What should I do with my life?. This article however perhaps suggests that we just need to grow up and close a few doors. I wish it was as easy as made out.
3.I’m not presumptuous enough to venture any judgment on the detail here but I’ve just been reading Bob Dylan’s bio Chronicles vol 1 where he mentions some sage advice (from a grandmother I think?) that goes something like “Always be kind because EVERYONE is carrying their own unique burden”. I’d never thought about things like that before and it’s always been hard not be cynical about people’s motives etc. But seems like your hearts in the right place anyway.
4. Ditto and I’ve always been so bullish about this country, too. I somehow feel that we are sitting on a knife-edge that is only blunted by the façade of new-found wealth and development that is filling up our roads with new cars. We have to sort out the perception and reality that the economy is not delivering to every man in the street. From a pure justice perspective it is not evident at all that the neediest are receiving anything near what they need. Maybe my own guilt of having a full stomach and steady supply of beer is starting to kick in?
This post was supposed to be reaffirming but all it seems to confirm is that we’re in similar boats. It’s been fun anyway and has had me thinking since I read your bitch last week - why on earth I would want to write a note of 500 words or so to someone who I don’t even know – that’s just a bit weird and freaky. But here’s to wishing you a cheery week. I know they are utter crap (and I’ve no idea why I read them but check out Virgo here.
Mine says this for this week. WOW! “The Solar Eclipse in Aries on Wednesday occurs in your health, work and lifestyle zone and this is going to help you to make changes that may be long overdue. Eclipses tend to overturn the old order so that you have a clear space with which to contemplate your new life. They often bring change in the twinkling of an eye when you least expected it to arrive. They also encourage you to move up the evolutionary ladder to a level of joy and happiness. The only proviso is that you cannot cling on to what has been. You have to let go and allow yourself to float with the current for a while and see where it takes you. You may discover a whole new route to health and wholeness, one that you didn't even know about - so at these times keep your mind open and don't reject anything just because it appears to be an alien concept. The other possibility is a change to your job or job description. You may find that for reasons beyond your control you have to leave your old place of work and find new employment, but this could be the best thing that has happened in a long while.”
Antoine - thanks babe, feeling a lot better already.
ATW - I don't know you, but I think I love you...
Mini follow-up: work has picked up to a relentless pace (hence no posting!), so no time for concerns with other ordeals. Hopefully, a more cheery post to follow soon :)
ain't i in luck. and peas has to wait till she's 29 to get such a commitment!
Yeah. Fuck the world for that.
*grumble grumble*
Small Bum can eat my shorts if he think I'm going to sit around for four years before he decides he even fucking loves me.
PS: Hi everyone, how you doing today? Super?
Even here?
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