SA’s gone as wedding crazy as Hollywood has gone baby crazy

I had two weddings last weekend, so had to do the mad dash from Gilb’s colleague’s one in Pretoria to my friend’s one at larny Glenshiel in Westcliff (guess where I wanted to spend more time, and not only because she’s my friend…)

This weekend started with a colleague’s bachelorette, in a few weeks time I have another colleague’s engagement party.

Anyway.

The bachelorette party was awesome – no cheesy woman selling sex toys you buy and end up using only once (like the last one I went to – the f&%*ing things take 4 watch batteries that get depleted with one weekend’s use) – just good old fashioned drinking, dancing, truth or dare, pass the parcel (I won those little plastic boobies you wind up and they hop around so naturally when I got home I showed Peas that we could make a jumping titty fuck with her little plastic hopping penis) etc. She’s an Irish lass, only been in the country for 18 months, so wasn’t expecting anyone to organize anything, so the hospitality of her SA friends really overwhelmed her.

One of the things they did for her (which I’ve subsequently learned is quite standard for these parties) is a video interview of her fiancé where they asked him questions about his feelings for her, and before playing it for us, tested her by seeing how well she knew what his answers would be. So, I decided to put the Gilb to the test, too:

Q: What’s your favourite body part of mine?
A: Your bum. [I thought he’d say stomach or upper arms, but, you know. A nice ass is fine by me. Incidentally, his bum – toight but still squishable – and his hands are my favourite parts of his body. Oh, and that ridiculously cute dimple on his left cheek. He gets away with murder because of that.]

Q: What’s your favourite dish I cook for you?
A: Burritos and that tomato-green pepper-tuna sauce pasta. “That’s it? Nothing more… unique, less replicable? My successor could whip those up in a heartbeat!” [my favourite dish he cooks for me, and this is an easy selection because I’m far less spoilt for choice, is toasted chicken-mayo-chili-cheese sandwiches. But he has a very particular, careful, time-consuming – pedantic even – way of making them that is adorable to observe. So long as you’re not starving, you’re going to wait far longer than is ever really necessary for a toasted sandwich.]

Q: What is your favourite thing about me?
A: You’re so cute! (And in response to my eyebrows raising threateningly)…And so, so hot! And you dance really well. We couldn’t have stayed together this long if you didn’t dance like you do. I wouldn’t want anyone else to have that pleasure. [yes, I know I dance really well. Dancing and spelling are the two things I beat most people on, but they get the upper hand on most other things. When Gilb and I first met (in a gay dance club, cringe!), he came up to me and told me I dance really well. I told him I know. It was a sure thing from then on. But, I digress. My favourite things about him are his kindness and gentleness, and how good he is with his hands – he’s a really handy guy who knows how to fix anything. That’s a huge turn-on.]

At that point, we gave up on the game and went and had sex. Unfortunately, both his housemates were home (in rooms on either side of his), so I wasn’t brave enough to try out the “Yeaaa-haaahh! Yeaaaa-haaaaah! Fuck me like it’s a dildo!” line, but there’s always next weekend.