Tag, I'm it!

1). Have you ever been attracted to somebody either really revolting, or someone much younger or older than you, or someone you could never have? Tell me about it.

Yes, someone both older than me and someone I could never have, all in one. He was a dreamy Biochemistry lecturer (late 40s, early 50s, made greying temples look sexy like George Clooney does), with the hottest ass on East Campus! (Pity about the wife and 2 kids). I have three memorable moments (other than every lecherous lecture I attended)…
One: I arrived early one morning to class before anyone else did, and put the shiniest, crispiest red apple on his lectern. When he arrived, he blushed like crazy, asked the class who did it, looking in every direction but mine (I’m pretty damn certain he knew who it was). Two: I had to get something signed by some secretary, and while I was in her office, Prof Veale strolled in, looked me up and down and said “It’s not often someone gets brains with the rest of the package too.” I couldn’t bring myself to say anything sensible in reply, especially with the damn secretary in the office – oh, if I could have that moment back I’d do things a lot differently! Three: on my last lecture ever with him, I walked up to him, gave him a Cutie Pie and thanked him for 3 years of memorable inspiration. He just gave me that crooked grin of his, and I haven’t seen him since….

2). What's in your handbag right now.

You’re giving me the bag question and bag tagging me too! Well, let’s see: bulging red wallet (filled mostly with credit card receipts, but with 12 different cards, a pic of The Gilb and some 5c coins in it too); 4 clean tissues and 1 used one; tube of hand cream; ID book; Canadian pamphlets I can’t bear to part with; a Corenza C tube with 1 tablet left in it; my cell; Labello – Classic, if you care to know; an FNB diary I haven’t used since February; a pen, pencil and permanent marker (for fixing dreadful spelling mistakes on public notices); spare tampon; mystery key; business cards. I usually have a memory stick in there too – rummaging through my bag to answer this question makes me worry about where the hell it’s got to.

3). If you could live anywhere in the world right now, where would it be and why?

I don’t have the location quite pinned down, but I can certainly describe its necessary characteristics: a) nowhere that gets too cold in winter; b) in or very near to a bustling third-world metropolis (think India, China, South America) – I want to be in a place that hasn’t gone crazy lusting after the material things in life, that doesn’t waste too many materials on packaging consumer goods, isn’t obsessed with gamma irradiating all food products, where telemarketing is unheard of ; c) I want a damn large garden, with enough space to put in a vegetable garden. d) nearby mountains and sea – I want chocolate-box scenery! Yip, I’d definitely opt out of the rat race for that.

4). Who do YOU think killed JFK?

Less a question of who killed JFK, but more of “who cares?” So many nameless people die every day in massacres that go unpublicised, that they are of greater immediate concern to me than some dude (iconic, yes) who faked his death to up his popularity and then have it pinned on a poor hick caught in the wrong place at the wrong time! Conspiracy? I think not!

5). What is the most irritating trait anybody could have?

People who say the words moist, panties and making love too much. I hate those freaks. Especially if they’re also overly girly, gossipy, have nasal voices and chew gum loudly. Hand me my revolver, please!