Sepoenda: a visitor's guide
![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4873/779/320/mordor.jpg)
You would be understandably forgiven for thinking that this was a picture of Mordor. In fact, it is none other than the seething towers of the Sasol plant at Secunda (henceforth, referred to as Sepoenda, as one of Peas’ friends so charmingly rechristened it).
Seeing as I’ve spent the past two weekends there, I thought I should write a (probably not so) helpful guide for any of you planning to venture out to this endearing little town.
1. As Sepoenda lies some 150 km due east of Jozi, filling your tank on the way may be an issue. Do not leave the top up till any later than Delmas (note: I’ve only ever taken the N12/R50 route, so can’t vouch for the N17) – no other petrol station lies on the 80 km stretch between Delmas and Sepoenda.
2. Odds are you’ll miss the turn-off to Secunda from the R50 the first time you drive there. Why? Because a few metres before the T-junction, as you fly past at 140 km/h, you see a sign saying ‘Lake Umuzi Waterfront’, and carry on. Only when you hit the T-junction is there a little green sign pointing left informing you that this too, is the road to Sepoenda (the town that actually is home to this not-so-awe-inspiring waterfront), by which time you’ve sailed on by, and need to gooi a u-ey (sp?), cursing that you’ve now let all the trucks you overtook a few moments ago get ahead of you again.
3. Just before you reach the maroon power station where you turn off the R50, there’s a sign proclaiming ‘Warning – undermined area’. I’m still laughing at the pun; childish, I know.
4. The sign shortly thereafter stating ‘Dangerous Stop 300m’ fails to warn you of the even greater danger of a metre-wide, metre-deep ditch in the middle of the lane a few metres ahead.
5. After another 30-odd km you’re there. Avert eye contact with any of the male locals, who seem to assume that any glance in their direction is an invitation for a beating. Even more importantly, avoid eye contact with any of these males’ girlfriends, to preclude similar (if somewhat more dire) consequences.
6. Also avoid excessive stares at any mullet hairdo’s (or hairdon’ts, as a friend so brilliantly put it) and UV-laden spoilers/exhaust pipes/grills. Again, a beating may ensue.
7. You’re probably quite weary after a long work day and a two-hour drive there, so why not head on to Greenfields, the lodge half-way between Trichardt and Sepoenda, for a pleasant, relatively upmarket restaurant vibe? You may be lucky enough – as we were – to catch a night where they hire a DJ pumping remixes of that wondrous hit ‘McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut’ as your intestines churn with noise-induced indigestion.
8. You may wonder what it is that the locals get up to on an average night. If you are invited to a house party, by all means oblige the hosts. If you are a single man, be sure always to ask the pretty things you meet an important question: are you out of school yet? Do not be fooled by heavy make-up and precociously revealing clothes (this warning is doubly pertinent to new Sasol employees coming from bigger cities. These lasses are looking for any way to leave the trappings of town life behind them).
9. Following on from point 8, other than house parties, Sepoenda is also referred to as ‘dop-en-pompville’. Because there isn’t much else to do. The younger Sasol employees all get hitched to local lasses straight out of school, who seem to pop out babies at a scary rate. The number of Spar trolleys I saw with built-in baby seats (like the ones you get for a car) bears testament to this fact.
10. Even less remotely related to point 8, the population of Sepoenda is described by the following formula: P(x) = 4x + xy, where x is the number of employees at Sasol (currently 7,000) – hence 4x refers to the fact that every Sasol employee has hitched and popped out two kids after experiencing the delights referred to in point 9 – and y is a constant factor describing the population that thrives on providing services (such as those listed in point 12 below, along with a hefty number of obstetricians and paediatricians) to Sasol employees and their families. I believe at this point xy = 10,000, so y is approximately 1.429. This implies that Sasol employees support 1.429 people over and above their families, which isn’t surprising when you acknowledge that this town has the highest GDP per capita contribution of the whole country.
11. If you’re an older person trying to avoid any exposure to points 8 and 9 above, and you get invited around to an older resident’s house, you’re in for a treat. Dress warmly, as you’ll be entertained in the de riguer lapa, which will be decked out with a big-screen tv for better rugby viewing, and a fully-equipped bar. I hope you like your Klippies! Do not be alarmed if the hosts ask you to try out any of their hunting guns by shooting a glass from the top of the bar counter – this is entirely normal entertainment in this part of the world. If you ask nicely, they may relent and exchange the dangerous weapon for a less harmful Windbix, much to the lady of the household’s silent relief.
12. If you need to do a spot of laundry while visiting, head on to the Wishy Washy laundromat, owned by proudly-mulleted Spookie. This enterprising fellow also owns the tv repair shop and driving instructor company next door. While you wait for your laundry, head on to the nearby Secunda Corner Café for the cheapest bunny-chow of your life (R9.50, VAT and mince included).
13. Looking for a Sasol petrol station in the heart of Sasol country? There’s only one I know of, on President Swart Street. Do not gasp in great surprise that the petrol price is no cheaper than that of imported brands.
14. Bear in mind that on the return leg of the journey, you’ll be driving due west, straight into the setting sun. For two whole hours. Try to avoid starting this journey between 4:00 and 5:30 in winter, and between 5:00 and 6:00 in summer.
I hope that this brief guide has proved useful and will enhance your enjoyment of all this little town has to offer.
12 Comments:
Hey chick
Just had a flash plan: how about C (the christener of 'Poenda,) and I come join you okes there for a weekend.
We'll cause absolute havoc. I kan like to bring wiff me my jean pant.
Please oh please! We'll intorduce The Gilb to the rest of the town in our own little special way!
Considering my relationship with the town afore mentioned is limited to the only inland links golf course and Elvis's house - a aptly named "Graceland".
That said - I loved your take on the town...... it hit the funny spot a good few times.
Peas - I made that very suggestion to the Gilb over the weekend! Going back in three weeks' time, you're so coming with!
Antoine - I spent 4 hours on Saturday at Graceland drinking Irish coffees and waiting for my boyfriend to finish a freezing round of golf! Glad you enjoyed my guide, no doubt many more tales will follow over the year...
Would I wrong to suggest that you are quite taken, or at least suitably intrigued by this town?
Please also help me on the tea front (teasnob pls chip in too). I've been comparing the Twinings EG tea to that that Woollies sell and I must say that the Woollies version is better (more Bergamot?). Am I missing something (and no I don't have cherry flavoured Twinings).
Wit - you wouldn't be wrong at all. I acknowledge that I'm a full-blow city snob, pretty darn pretentious, and enjoy considering myself as part of the elite (though just which elite, I have no idea). As a result, I adore hanging out with 'salt of the earth' types, people with no delusions of grandeur - they completely humble me. And small towns offer a quaintness that big cities lost long ago (although I'm pretty sure Jozi seems quaint to anyone living in London, New York or Hong Kong). So it's all relative I guess.
Moving on to the more important issue of your Earl Grey: I feel like a help columnist here! (and teasnob, argue with me at your peril!)
Dr Ant says:
When one sums up the taste of a good tea - much like a good wine, brandy or whisky - one must consider the critical issue of balance. In the case of a tea, the balance between tannins, aroma/bouquet following on to the palate, and lingering aftertaste. (ok, I'm making this up as I go along, bear with me, I'm doing a wine course at the moment).
What I find with any of the other local brands I've tried (Woolies, Lipton etc) is that this balance is overthrown by one component overwhelming the rest. I find that both Woolies and Lipton, afraid that you might not identify the tea as being any different than their other (cheaper) teas, have sacrificed this balance and overemphasised the presence of bergamot to hit your (perhaps unrefined) taste and smelling receptors with an unquestionable dose of the magic ingredient, bergamot. What I like so much about Twinings is its subtleness, its refined refreshing taste, with sublime hints of bergamot tantalising your tastebuds rather than beating them into submission (kind of like the stereotypical image of the so-called genteel English of older days). Only one other Earl Grey I've tasted supercedes Twinings: Ahmad Teas, again a British brand sadly not available here. Sigh! The memories...
But my little lecture must conclude as all my wine tasting lectures have too: with the strong reminder that you should drink what you like and not sway to the snobby proclaims of the critics!
That said, should you ever wish to argue the merits of different Earls over a cuppa, you're invited to our flat for a taste-off!
Someone once defined the term "winesnob" as an epithet carelessly hurled at some point at someone who cared about what he or she was drinking, by someone who cared less. Same, I s'pose counts for tea.
So, maybe my taste is a little unrefined but I don't really go for subtle or perhaps I am just OK with being beaten into submission. Thanks though for a solid defence and argument for the Twinings. Twinings should get you on board to write copy for them. I'll give it another bash and look for the subtlety this time.
I once read a book (by a Rabbi I think) called "A Small Town is a World". The phrase kind of sums it up. I think it shows a sense of worldliness and maturity to be able to accept that those living less sophisticated lives have much to offer to one's own worldview. I've genuinely been oft surprised at the insight that emerges after a few bottles of Klippies.
I entirely with Ant's analysis, the balance in the tea is essential. While bergamot is the defining characteristic of Earl Grey, it should not be the overriding component.
Let me present some recent experiences. For Christmas I received a tin of Murchies's Earl Grey (Murchies is Canada's answer to Twinings). It's a very good blend and its bergamot flavouring is quite strong, and I enjoy it immensely, mainly because of that strength. It is a particular (and welcome) point on my tea landscape but I cannot use it as a substitute for Twinings EG, it lacks the balance.
I recently took the (admittedly misguided and foolhardy) step of sampling decaf EG, for various reasons. Let me save you the pain and heartache: don't. I will happily spend 10 minutes just smelling the aroma of my EG before taking that first sip. Decaf has absolutely no character or aroma. You might say that my caffeine addication blinds me, but I would say the caffeine, the tea and the bergamot interact in a particular way that just cannot be duplicated without that one component. Hence, the blend of the teas is essential.
For me, Twinings EG is the home base for my tea explorations. Occasionally I will wander down a particular path to explore the dynamics of bergamot, or to understand the blends of the teas alone, to broaden my palette. Ultimately, though, I always return home. By exploring the surrounds you understand just where in the landscape your high point sits and appreciate it even more. You only know the highs once you've seen the lows, after all. Who knows, maybe you'll find an even higher point to move to. I'm not enough of a zealot to ignore such a possibility!
ATW, I urge you to continue you sampling. As you say, it's all a matter of preference. Twinings EG can be a fickle master. While always rewarding, the truly superb cup can be elusive. I have never had a bad cup of Twinings EG (save the decaf fiasco), but I have had many atrocious cups of non-Twinings EG.
Try playing with it a bit: I find only a touch (1/4 tsp?) of sugar is necessary, it takes the edge off the bitterness. Adding your milk before or after the water makes two very different cups, the former more motherly and nursery-like, the latter a little more brash.
If you can find it, try Twining's Prince of Wales tea. It's really quite good and one I hadn't tried until I visited the Twinings shop in London. Luckily, I've found it locally too.
Thanks 'snob & 'ant. I'll forge on with my education. Must admit that when it comes to instant coffee however I'll go no further than Jacobs Krönung. Despite its ridiculous price, the stuff gives me goosebumps if the time & place is right. Nothing else comes close
ATW - Just to clarify, when I said "hit your (perhaps unrefined) taste and smelling receptors", I wasn't meaning you personally, but the plural, random 'you'.
Good luck with all the tea experiments - let me know when you've found your holy grail.
As for Klippies, I couldn't agree more. A little anecdote: my boyfriend and all his mates (mostly Afrikaans), have developed the Dutchman 2000. Klippies and Vanilla Coke. A whole other level of insights emerge, trust me!
Teasnob - as always, very thorough. Thanks for the input, though I would truly love to know what drove you to sample EG decaf. Eh? I suppose you can now cross it off your list of things to do... as an aside, the marketing psychology of buying packaged fragrant hot drinks (I mean teabags and instant/filter coffee) all hinges on that first strong whiff of aroma you get when you open the container - that's what gets consumers hooked to buy it again. In the instant coffee-making process, this is achieved by freeze-drying, and is the most expensive step in the manufacturing process. As for tea, you'll know from my Twinings post that this same strong aroma is achieved by spraying the boxes with bergamot essence before packing them.
! In passing I mentioned our tea conversation to a colleague very experienced in wine production (her father owns a wine farm in Franschhoek). She had the following to say:
From the sounds of it, tea is just as complicated as wine, if not more so. As there are many variables in wine, people accept that the taste and aroma will be unique with every vintage, tea however, has to aspire to the same taste with every cup in order to avoid disappointment. However, the difficulty with tea is that a number of the key variables appear to lie in the hands of the tea drinker (amount of sugar, when to add the milk, the temperature of the water when added to the leaves and length of time for which the tea should brew) rather than the tea maker. I therefore think that the tea companies should absolve a portion of their responsibility to deliver a balanced cuppa to their faithful consumers.
Brilliant post!!!
10/10.
it's windbuks, oh fastidious speller...
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