Purchase admin

It’s T – 3 (yep, should get the vehicle by Saturday, Monday at the latest), and I’ve had to look back over the past three weeks and marvel at the obscene amounts of admin involved in two large movements of my cash incurred during this time.


List of things to do to open a unit trust investment account:

1. Download application form from internet
2. Decipher form, call customer help line for assistance
3. Gather all documents to meet FICA requirements:
- copy ID book (easy)
- copy latest bank statement (easy)
- write letter explaining that I am in fact a co-lessee with Peas, to whom all bills are addressed, and who signed the lease in the first place. Peas signs (easy)
- get copy of such a bill addressed to Peas (easy, she’s quite organised in that regard)
- get copy of SARS letter with my income tax number on it – ask Dad to ask his incompetent financial adviser to find my documents and send to me (not so easy)
- over three days, make internet banking deposits into asset manager’s bank account, because of frustratingly low internet banking payment daily limits (easy, but
painstakingly slow)
- submit all documentation to asset manager, including proofs of deposits
(easy, huge sigh of relief)
- get a call from asset manager saying Peas must sign an affidavit to swear I do, in fact, live with her (f*%&!!!)
- go to bank, get declaration form for co-lessees, get Peas to sign (easy, but again, painstakingly slow: avoid going to the bank if at all possible!)
- take signed declaration form and recent bill (in Peas’ name) to bank (“No, we won’t act as commissioner of oaths for that kind of document.” “But you gave it to me in the first place. I’ve been waiting half an hour to be served.” “Sorry, go to the police station.”
- take signed declaration form and recent bill to police station for commissioner of oaths stamp. “But Peas must be here to sign. How do I know she’s not dead?” “I’m really sorry, I didn’t know. But look, this bill from last week is in her
name – she must be alive, unless you suspect she died in this past week, in which case I’d be even more distraught than I am now.” “You’re asking me to trust you –
I shouldn’t be doing this, you know.” “I’m really grateful – thank you.”
4. Resubmit forms to asset manager. (easy, but with lots of suspense)
5. Receive call from asset manager saying that all is in order (finally!)

Total time taken: 2 weeks


List of things to do to buy a car:

1. Test drive, test drive, test drive! (not always so easy, but damn fun)
2. Ask dealer(s) to put together a sales proposal (too easy – they’d try to sell it to a 5-
year old)
3. Have current car valued for trade-in (easy – they do it while you’re test driving, except
you cringe in embarrassment that you didn’t have the car cleaned beforehand and
dozens of empty water bottles, pamphlets etc are sitting in the back seat)
4. Day-dream about your new wheels
5. Complete application form for finance (decipher, call finance person for assistance)
6. Thank the dear Lord you’ve just received a raise and your salary looks more
impressive and hence more likely to be approved for finance (ironic, that)
7. Organise new insurance (a f#$%ing pain, I despise this kind of admin)
8. Cry over loss of old reliable car (difficult to detach)
9. Show off new wheels!

Total time taken: 1.2 weeks


Do you see why it’s so much easier to buy expensive toys than it is to save/invest your money? This FICA shit is a clever way to discourage you from saving and encourage careless spending of money! (and you just know the criminals have found a far more painless way to get around the rules than it is for the honest folk to comply with them – that really irritates me).

Why is it that being shown to be FICA compliant once is not enough? Every new account requires the same bloody proof! (“Why not just check with my bank if I comply?” “Uh, no. We need you to submit the forms to us.”)

After the admin ordeals above, I’m so not ever buying a house…