The vagina is cold and dry

I’m probably going to get this story a little wrong, so Timmy (the doctor who developed this diagnosis), feel free to correct me.

As one of the intern doctors at the Barberton hospital last year, Timmy came to notice that whenever a female patient was admitted and a nurse had seen her first, no matter what her complaint was (headache, stomach cramps, coughing up blood etc) they would always write on her hospital form thingy (I can’t think of the technical name right now) “the vagina is warm and moist”.

Timmy found this extremely bizarre, and complained to everyone (except the offending nurses, of course) that this was an idiotic thing to report. “Only tell me if the vagina is cold and dry, then she has a problem!!!”

Of course, the joke did not stop there. Timmy decided that if a patient’s vagina was cold and dry and he was trying to revive her by “going at it hammer and tongs” (you have to do it by going at it hammer and tongs, he tells me) but the vagina remained cold and dry, then she was either dead or a lesbian. In fact, they now callously use the phrase “the vagina is cold and dry” to say a patient (male/female) is dead. As in “how was your call last night, Timmy?” “Oh, I had two cold and dry vaginas”.

Oh, our kind-hearted and sensitive doctors, eh? God bless ‘em.