Little brainfarts

Lacking anything ponderous or wildly entertaining to relate to you today, I’ve opted out for pointless factoids.

1. Do you know that some people out there hate Google? Not the folks like me, who use it simply for free searches, free email, free images of the Earth from space, free blogsites, free videos of stupid people doing stupid things, free auction site (ok, not really – that product was a downright flop). No, the IT-clever ones (probably numerous of you bloggers out there, the ones with customized, self-developed blogs that look infinitely better than my crappy site) that use Google to do countless other complicated things, and perhaps even send them recommendations for improvement. So I decided to do some crude research on the topic, using… surprise, surprise, Google as a search tool. The search for ‘ “I love Google” ’ scored “about” 139,000 readings, while ‘ “I hate Google” ’ bagged “about” 47,000 results (which equates to 1 in 4 people who publicized their feelings for the company on the Internet, claiming to hate it. Aside: I wonder if the tendency to write about Google on the Internet is skewed towards people who love Google, or hate it?)

2. A close friend, who doesn’t want me to jinx his chances, is flying to Europe this week for an interview with this same love-hate company. So, dear Google, while trawling the Internet and making a record of this blog entry, please note: I, in all my IT-phobic ignorance, adore you. Please give my wonderful, intelligent friend a job, and while you’re at it, please also give him some shares. My dear friend, in turn, please donate 1 of these golden eggs to me (but hurry, before their stock crashes). And dear Google, if you want to give me a job, I accept unconditionally (do you have an office in South America? If not, I’ll start one for you!)

3. The French term haute couture, meaning ‘high fashion’, like certain other words of theirs (heaven knows I enjoy a good South African champagne as much as the next person), is banned from general use, and may only be used by those fashion boutiques who have: a) boutique presence in Paris; b) employ at least 15 designers/clothesmakers; c) put out runway collections during every spring/summer and autumn/winter show, in which at least 35 different outfits are modelled. Pah. I’d rather take my fashion prêt-a-porter, personally.

4. Advisor vs adviser? Being someone who prides herself on her flawless spelling (of the Queen’s/O.E.D variety, I might add), I was utterly devastated to learn that advisor is actually an American form of the word, while adviser is the British form. All these years of ignorance! Relating the search for the ‘true’ spelling back to the Google love-hate relationship, I must point out one ‘quirk’ (not so much a flaw as a circumstantial eventuality): advisor had a vastly higher number of Google hits than adviser did, which points only to the fact that Google Search’s material, being websites, is heavily American-biased, and hence the ‘incorrect’ spelling proves to be far more documented than the O.E.D-accepted one.

5. Noise protection ear plugs do not serve well as aquatic ear plugs. During my first visit to the gym for the year, I braved the swimming pool with a pair kindly (yet unknowingly) sponsored by Sasol (the Gilb gets them free and has to wear them while in the plant). We were shopping at TotalSports on Saturday, and when I picked up a pair of legitimate swimming ear plugs, he told me not to waste the money: “Don’t be stupid, Liefie, mine will work just as well!” As if! The damn things kept floating out from my ears (like little lumo-orange turds in my pool lane). My cursed left ear was resultantly blocked for half the bloody day – completely disorienting.

Whew! I’m done with your education, peeps. Over and out.