Wow!

Driving my new wheels this weekend was an almighty blast. Every time I had to be somewhere, I always offered to drive, and more than once decided the (longer) scenic route was the best route to get there. I insisted that everyone I encountered (which also included 3 strangers in separate incidents) take a look at blingtastic Ant, and was immensely thrilled with the number and audibility of the “aaah!”s and “oooh!”s the inspections extracted. [I posted a pic last week but for some reason damn Blogger stuck the pic below my last post, not above]

Somewhat aptly, my Saturday morning was spent at the MPH’07 show (Jeremy Clarkson, The Hamster and The Stig all present), where a number of things are worthy of mention:

1. They did a driving stunt sequence homage to 007, where one would naturally think the cars used would be those featured in James Bond movies. Not so. It started with a spectacular hair-raising performance by 4 Alfa 147 drivers, which, despite including some impressive hair-breadth-close fast weaving driving of expensive Italian vehicles, mostly had me on the edge of my seat thinking “for the love of Italy, please don’t let any of those Alfa’s break down on the stage!”

2. During the same sequence, 4 Caterpillars were doing some surprisingly sensual synchronised dance (if you can’t imagine Caterpillars being described as sensual, well, I’m afraid I can’t help you. Words cannot possibly describe how such a feat might be achieved.) I’ve decided I need one, they’re quite handy flexible things, those Cats.

3. A flying car ended off the 007 sequence. Seriously. It was a helium balloon shaped like the new Astra, but so unbelievably lifelike that you thought it was the real thing. It had 2 tiny propellers, one behind each of the front tyres, that magically (or more precisely, by the laws of physics) lifted the rotating car about 3 storeys into the air for a few airborne minutes.

4. Jeremy’s comment about the show being Beemer-free (which elicited a lot of clapping from the audience), had me laughing because he must have noticed what a Beemer-loving country we live in. But, he really is an obnoxious fellow: you get the feeling he deliberately says things that will get him berated (gay comments, kak SA wine comments, “leaving [his] sunblock and safari suit and instead bringing [his] machine guns on his trip to SA”)

5. My new favourite insult, coined by Jeremy. He was describing his most hated vehicle, the stretch Hummer, saying that they’re usually owned by failed druglords, and are frequently seen pulling up outside dodgy clubs, where their doors open and a group of “vomiting slappers” collapse out onto the pavement. I’m definitely throwing that insult around loosely.

6. After the show, we strolled around the exhibition and saw a stand selling model cars, and, surprise surprise, I found a little Mini Cooper that I just had to buy. So now I have two!

7. Lolly Jackson’s cars on display as profligately as his strippers. I have to marvel at the need to stick tacky Teazers stickers onto multimillion rand sports cars – he really doesn’t need the extra advertising any more than his employees need breast enlargements.

Inspired by the gleam and glisten of all the buffed-up cars, I bought Diamond Guard and that black-enhancing tyre spray, which Gilb and I spent almost two hours applying to my lovely Ant. Thunder showers, if you’d be so kind as to restrict your working hours to mine, I’d really love to keep Ant in his pristine (and did I mention shiny, so very very shiny) condition for a few more days, please (I desperately want to post a picture of him in this beautiful state, but Third Roommate has borrowed my camera for a week-long holiday, and there’s no damn way I’m spending 2 hours next weekend repeating the effort).

Happy driving this week, muchachas!