Four non-blondes, and me

Mkay, so the dreaded 25th is on its way. What does the infinitely wise Lauren decide to do? See her birthday in as a blonde.

Fact 1: an hour of bleaching followed by an hour of blonding makes hair feel like straw.

Fact 2: an hour of bleaching followed by an hour of blonding will not necessarily turn hair blonde, especially when the underlying colour is its very antithesis: blue-black.

Fact 3: everyone will notice carrot-shade hair. No complaining about people not paying attention; unfortunately, all for the wrong reasons.

Fact 4: the carrot hair will stick till after the big party on Saturday, as personal punishment for my utter stupidity.

Fact 5: carrot hair will totally not go with my dominatrix outfit. Bummer.

Over and above the fashion issues, the birthday brings with it the usual concerns about me wasting my life, another year slipping by without me accomplishing anything, some people in the world being multimillionaires by now/having discovered or invented things that puts them in the running for Nobel prizes/have experienced life-changing world trips… what have I done? (apart from hair stuff ups, that is).

So… to combat my latent lethargy, I’ll be enrolling in a couple of courses – while I’m still in SA, I might as well work on self-improvement. Course 1: beginners’ wine tasting course (working towards my goal of one day owning my own wine estate) – already sent through my application form; course 2: German (for the goal of living in Berlin for a while – will enquire next week, but start next year); course 3: none really, but I want to work on my damn handicap! Given that my faithful golfing partner is living in Cape Town, I really will have to resort to golfing with the dreaded boyfriend (we always end up having an argument when we play together, because he gets frustrated that I’m not carrying out his suggestions flawlessy – they’re good suggestions, granted, but fuck, just let me play my game my way, mkay?)

But enough of this ageing paranoia. I’ve been meaning to tell you all - but just haven’t got around to it – to go see Crash on the art circuit – think of it as a homework assignment. It completely blew me away. Straight-talking and funny, its message is particularly driven home when the movie audience is culturally and racially mixed. Do you laugh at all the racial stereotypes, or just the ones that poke fun at your background? Are you equally insulted by all racial jibes, or just the ones that ridicule you? So, book now! (And no, they don’t pay me to say that – they should, but they don’t).

And on that little note, dearies, I leave you to your own devices.