Boxes are poor containers for people
People are seldom what they seem. You get to know someone, and slowly but surely – without realising it – you categorise their personalities, eccentricities, even expected behaviours under certain circumstances, into little boxes. Because that is the person as you’ve always experienced them to be, you make the assumption that that is the person they will always continue to be.
This assumption is especially invalid when the person is not someone particularly close to you, hence is likely to be someone you only see in certain circumstances (which is therefore one small experience of their presumably multifaceted selves).
A good example of such a person is a work colleague. You only see them at the office, befriend them in the context of your work environment, and feel little need to see them after hours. As a result, you build your whole mental picture of your colleague as a person based entirely on his/her demeanor/appearance in the office. The danger of doing this, of course, is that you end up only seeing what you want to see, even when evidence to the contrary is rapping you over the knuckles like a convent nun with a ruler (much like a parent in denial that their offspring has just come home from a party on ecstasy, even though they’re exhibiting the classic symptoms like their pupils being the size of N11 potholes and they’re anxiously grinding their teeth to a fine powder).
If you think I’m being deliberately cryptic about what I’m trying to say, you’re correct. It’s too sensational for me to write in this very public forum, but suffice to say I’m flummoxed – although not in a bad way, actually a pleasant one.
Ps: happy weekend y’all. Believe it or not, I’ve got my first bachelorette party tomorrow. And it’s going to be one of those gloriously cheesy lingerie parties, followed by a trip to TeasHERS (which I’ll not be attending due to the more promising prospect of oral satisfaction at a friend’s dinner party). No surprises for guessing that the bachelors’, also taking place tomorrow, will be ending at Teasers next door/downstairs. Quaint, isn’t it?
posted by Third World Ant @ 9:01 am
14 Comments:
I think I know what you mean by the boxes. A good example of something like that would be people know at Church.
I do think that is also partly the peoples being "boxed" part.
If you are not yourself, or are always superficial in a certain situation, people will think that that’s who you are.
People should just be themselves, and then also just accept people for being themselves.
That way, when you meet somebody, you see them for who they are, whereat its at home, in the office, at Church, or even in a pub.
Wait, did you mean to use the 'most loaded comment I've ever seen', there, or was that a complete Freudian slip?:)
Duzzie - in theory, I agree with you. In reality however, people often have to change themselves to conform with their environment - e.g. what you wear to work, your hairstyle (for which i frequently get not-so-subtle hints about 'neatening'), and to some extent that means toning down certain aspects of your personality (remember, you often don't choose to hang out with them as you would with your friends, so their personalities may be vastly different than yours. In the spirit of trying to cooperate, we all have to temper our personalities a bit - at least, loud-mouthed brash and argumentative people like me have to).
Pete - don't even go there by writing any suggestions as to the gossip in print here, mister. Like I said, sensational but necessarily undercover. (if that's what your comment means).
'followed by a trip to TeasHERS (which I’ll not be attending due to the more promising prospect of oral satisfaction at a friend’s dinner party).'
My comment refered to that, and from your response I am going to assume it was a slip!:)
Again I partly agree with you.
Can Tone Down a bit, but you shouldn't change your personality into something else.
As far as dressing goes, if your company has a dress code, or you are at a client, you should be dressed appropriately.
What I am referring to is people who are completely different.
I remember my Boss telling me about people he goes to Church with.
They would shake his hand and be like "Yes Brother, how are you?", and then he went camping and they where smoking grass, and getting drunk, and swearing. That is the type of thing I'm talking about.
Also makes me think of a guy I work with. He is a nudist. He does wear clothes to work. I think he would be asked to leave quite quickly if he didn’t, but he should tone down his temper a little.
Its fine when we are at our office, we don't have a very strict dress code, but he used to work at a client with me. Anyway he got upset with his computer. He started screaming and swearing, and smacking the desk with his keyboard. You shouldn’t do that, even if it is in your character.
Anybody, please don’t take offence about the Church comment. I go to Church, and people are not like that where I go, but I know some places are like that…
Pete - I also noticed that...
Just assumed it was intentional
Oh THAT! Entirely intentional, Pete. We call it a pun where I come from ;)
Duzzie - fiery nudists, eh - you don't come across those too often! I thought they were meant to be of peaceful temperament, you know, tree huggers and the like. Talk about a stereotypical view on the world...
Thinking about it, I would also think them to be tree huggers, or hippies, but I have never thought about it.
Most people thought it was a little gross when he told everybody, but I had spent quite a bit of time with him, and some things he said, I suspected it.
Not really the type of person you would ant to see nude, but I would think they all like that.
A nudist beach might sound nice, until you get there, and there are n young woman, just old hairy men...
You make a great point there about the boxes. I enjoyed reading this. it's so true (although not sure what you were referring to at the end there).
How was the bachelorette?
Duzzie - I agree with you on the nudist beaches. My favourite book, The Unbearable Lightness of Being has a scene in it where the main female character, Teresa (about 30ish) is arguing with her mother, who loves having nudist parties at her home. The mother tells Teresa that it is always the young who are embarrassed to show their bodies nude to the world, as they still believe there is something special to hide. It is only the older people who realise a body is just a body is just a body, and have no qualms displaying them for the world to see. Hence, nudist beaches. Happens in gyms, too.
O-D: when I get a chance (hopefully tomorrow) I'll tell more about the bachelorette. Generally enjoyable, though mine (if I ever have the opportunity to have one) will hopefully be better
American poet AR Ammons put it like this.
don't establish the
boundaries
first,
the squares, triangles,
boxes
of preconceived
possibility,
and then
pour
life into them, trimming
off left-over edges,
ending potential:
It’s the same with people. Mostly we’re pleasantly surprised, as you were, when we find that there is something squeezing out beyond the box we placed them in. Sometimes we are just plain shocked or horrified. It’s a bit like having a belief shattered.
PS I enjoyed your attempts to scientifically work out how whether you should run faster or longer. The problem with us humans is that there are too many variables to reduce our existence to equations.
Ant - When you say Gym, I assume you mean in the change/shower room?
I don't know if thats true. Maybe a guys bathroom is different. I've never seen any body trying to hide themselves. We just take our cloths off, walk to the shower (in another separation sometimes), walk to the toilet. I wouldn't take all my cloths off and put one leg on the bench, and push my pelvis forward, but we do walk around with nothing on. We don't look, so you know there is nobody really looking at you in a way you wouldn't want them too...
I don't know.
If I was at a beach, I might be able to take all my cloths off, but I would think the whole point of being naked is comfort, and I don't think it would be comfortable. Maybe I am just used to cloths, but imagine sitting on the beach without pants, or playing in the sea and getting water and sand in uncomfortable places.
omg-who did u fuck at work?
Unfortunately I have never fucked anyone at work, but I did fuck one of my mom's friends once.
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